Wednesday, October 2, 2013

What is normal?

When I first started treatment for bipolar disorder I was skeptical taking medication was going to make me feel better.  Like I said in earlier posts there were times I stopped taking the medication because I felt like I didn't need them.  I learned the hard way that I did need them and abruptly stopping them has dangerous results.  Now I take my medicine as prescribed and I can say that they do help.  I haven't been experimenting the intense highs and lows I previously did.  They way I feel now is a whole new experience.  Is this what normal feels like?  I really don't know because Ive never felt this way before.   There's also this part of me that misses the mania.  Not the psychotic delusional mania but the early beginnings of it.  I would be so positive and full of energy.  I could do anything, and be extremely creative with all kinds of ideas in my head.  Its almost like the medicine has taken that away from me.  Like a part of me is gone and now I'm this new person.  I have to remind myself what could happen if I stop taking the medication.  I take it not only for me but for everyone who is close to me.  Even though I'm the one that's bipolar it affects them as well.  If this is what normal feels like, I guess I'm ok with that.   

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