Biplor and relationships

Like I said in an earlier post I was once married which ended in divorce.  Do I think being bipolar played a factor in the end of my marriage?  Absolutely.  It definitely put a strain on my marriage and also my friendships.  My wife and I would get into these heated arguments which usually resulted in a screaming match.  Typically this was during a manic episode.  I would become angry if someone didn't agree with me or if they didn't feel the same way I did about my ideas.  To me their objections felt like they were trying to control me.  They weren't able to see how great my ideas were.  I would push people away from me and stop talking to them.  When I was depressed I didn't want to do anything.  I didn't want to go anywhere or be around other people.  I would go to work and come home, that was it.  If my wife questioned why I didn't want to do anything I would become angry.  I never told her how I was actually feeling so she didn't understand what was going on with me.  For 5 years she dealt with my mood swings.  She tried to be supportive, tried to get me to open up and talk to her but I refused.  As time went by our relationship became more strained.  When I started to self-medicate with pain pills I hid it from her.  After I was arrested and charged with drug trafficking she told me that she knew something was going on but she couldn't get me to open to her.  While I was serving my sentence in prison she told me she no longer wanted to be together.  I couldn't blame her.

I was too unstable for her to continue to be with me.   The years of my up and down mood swings, drug addiction, suicide attempt, and bad choices had worn her down.  During the time of our marriage I was completely out of control.  Relationships can be difficult, throw in untreated bipolar disorder and you have one hell of a mess.  The divorce was difficult for me.  I didn't want my marriage to end but I understood why is was ending.  There was no communication between us anymore, she lost trust in me.  I became extremely depressed when I found out she was with someone else.  I stopped eating, I slept all day everyday, and I was angry with myself.  But I still didn't get help.  I just dealt with it.  It wouldn't be until about 3 years after our separation that I finally got treated.

The relationship I'm in now is completely different then the one I had with my ex-wife.  She understands what I'm going through.  Although being bipolar isn't an excuse to just act anyway I want to, having a diagnosis helps to understand whats going on.  We have been through rough times together, most recently another suicide attempt when I ran out of my medication.  But she has supported me through it all.  I've been able to open up to her and tell her how I'm feeling.  Together we battle this.  She has allowed me to realize having a normal life is possible.  Having someone you can talk to in my opinion is the best support you can get.  She can tell when I'm overworking myself or taking on to much.  She's able to help slow me down.  Sometimes the people closest to you see things and notice things that you don't.  That's why I sometimes take her to my doctor appointments, having her there not only for support but also she can tell the doctor things I may have overlooked.  I'm grateful to have her in my life.