Lets talk about bipolar disorder

I hope if your reading this and have bipolar disorder you find some comfort in knowing that your not alone.  If your someone who has not received treatment yet, I hope my writings give you the strength to do so.  I can tell you from my experiences that this is manageable, and it will get better.  I'm not a doctor or a mental health counselor so I'm not going to give advice or tell you what treatments work the best.  Everyone is different, and what has worked for me doesn't mean it will work for you.  I just want to provide some insight and support to those who are suffering from bipolar manic depression.  And if your a friend or family member of someone who has bipolar disorder I hope this provides you with a better understanding of it.

So lets talk about bipolar disorder.  There are all kinds of articles and books covering it.  You can look it up online and read about it.  But what is it really like to have it.  For me bipolar disorder is like being on a roller coaster of emotions.  Incredible highs, and dangerous lows.  When I'm manic I feel unstoppable, like I can do anything, ideas and thoughts race through my head.  I have no patience for anyone who may slow me down.  The person inline ahead of me at the checkout line is going to slow, everyone else on the highway is just in my way.  I'm on a mission.  Whatever idea is in my head at the time is the most important idea in the world.  I have no need for sleep.  At 4 a.m. I'm up writing business plans, creating websites, trying to write a book.  I'm laying in bed staring up at the ceiling analyzing in my head everything Ive done that day or week.  Anyone who doesn't appreciate my ideas is an idiot.  I'm a genius.  Its absolute madness.  This may go on for weeks or months.

My manic episodes are usually followed by depression.  I bring myself to the point of exhaustion.  Going days with little to no sleep finally catches up with me.  My self esteem drops.  I lose confidence in anything that I'm doing.  Hopelessness sets it.  I lose interest in anything that I was previously doing.  My ideas suddenly seem stupid.  Its a downward spiral that in the past has left me contemplating suicide.  Death seems like the perfect escape.  I welcome it.

In my experience with bipolar disorder I have found that not only identifying the early signs of mania and depression, but also their triggers are important.  I have had to learn to slow down.  If my mind starts racing I know that its time to take a break and relax.  Does the medication help? Absolutely.  But I can't just rely on medication and think that everything will be fine.  Honestly I worry about having another episode that could put me in the hospital.  I worry about losing touch with reality again.  Not being able to remember things that Ive done or said is scary.  What if I was to really hurt myself or worse someone else.  That's why managing this is so important to me.  Like I said in earlier the post it took me a long time and some close calls to finally accept that I had a mental illness.  But now I know what it is that causes me to feel the way I do.  So I guess that has brought me a little bit of comfort.